The english version of my story
I am working as a software developer , I like it.
I live in Frederiksberg in a lovely apartment and I am married.
Everything should be fine.
I am not happy at all, I feel very stressed and in all sorts of ways I feel bad.
I consult my doctor to get a referral for a psychologist.
My doctor tells me that if he was in my marriage he would get a divorce.
He tells me that he thinks I will get some kind of diagnosis if I consult the system for help.
He says that he thinks that will be very wrong.
Ha says that he thinks I am a normal person but marriage is not.
My doctor gives me the requested referral.
The psychologist makes me realize the truth about my marriage and how bad it is.
He asks me for an explanation concerning why I am still in this marriage.
I am not able to.
I go home – now I have something to consider.
The situation with my marriage is getting a lot worse.
One morning i realise I just have to get away.
I run – I open the front door to our apartment and run.
I have no belongings and I do not even know where I am going but I have to get away.
Luckily I have a stabile and large network.
I get time off from work.
Despite that I still go to work in the evenings since this is the only place I can be alone.
Everyone close to me are observing me – because they care for me and because they want to make sure I do not go back to my husband.
I still consult the psychologist.
He is very empathic and a good listener and he talks to me about how to move on.
I love it when I am at the psychologist.
He says nice things – he praises my skills, my personality and my intelligence.
This makes me so happy.
No one has said any nice things to me in a long time.
When I was with other people It was always about all my problems .
Slowly I am making progress.
I find my own place.
I now have a place to live.
Then the psychologist tells me that I have to move on.
He is not the right person to help me anymore.
I am still confused and asks him what I should do from now.
He recommends a place where he think they can help me.
It is a place where i will learn meditation and mindfulness.
He tells me that he thinks I will probably be diagnosed with ADHD or worse if I consult the system for help.
He does not think I am sick, but he thinks I still have issues to work on.
In the time after I do not start to do meditation or mindfulness.
Time goes by.
I find a permanent home.
I still have my job which I like.
I still feel very bad.
I do not like being alone.
Finally I find a boyfriend.
I am very exited about this new boyfriend.
I think he is handsome, vice and that he has a lot of potential.
We are in love – everything is good.
When the period of falling i love is over it gets hard.
It keeps getting harder.
Nothing is good anymore.
Despite this I really want this relationship to be successful.
I pay the price on my own account.
Once again I go back to feeling miserable.
A find a new psychologist.
I like her.
A new person I can tell everything – she also says nice things to me – I love it.
She thinks I have ADHD.
At first i reject this, but then I identify myself with this hole new role.
I am getting a referral for a psychiatrist.
I fill out a form to identify if I am qualified for this diagnosis.
It almost feels like I am applying for a new job.
I exaggerate a bit – I do not want a rejection.
I am looking forward to the final decision at the psychiatrist.
I finally feel like I am at a turning point.
I will get the help I desperately need.
I put on my finest evening wear for the event.
I have always done that when I have been attending event I felt would be a turning point for me.
The psychiatrist i very exited about me and totally without emphati.
She thinks it is very obvious that I am an ADHD person.
She seems to be ecstatically.
She does not even have to read my form.
She is very observatory towards me to figure out if I show other symptoms for any other diagnosis.
On my way home I am very sad.
Now even more sad than before.
I do not feel good at all.
I got my diagnosis and at lot of pills to eat and then nothing else happened.
While consulting the psychiatrist I learn that she is very sweet, she is diagnosed herself, she really wants to help me and that she is very generous with the medicine.
The psychiatrist tells med that my doctor has to be the one prescribing my medicine.
When I tell this to my doctor he refuses this because he does not think that this ADHD diagnosis has anything to do with me.
Throughout this hole process I try 3 different types of medicine.
After one week on medication I am addicted.
I get a lot of side effects from the different types of medicine.
I almost do not need sleep anymore.
I work all the time.
At my job I start to over engineer my solutions and invent tasks my self.
I have to work all time.
I am glad that the medicine helps me to stay awake almost 24 hours a day.
Otherwise I would not be able to manage my job.
Before I was diagnosed i rarely had overtime on my job.
I kept my solutions as simple as possible.
Suddenly my boyfriend has no place to live – he moves in with me.
I am afraid to tell him that I do not want that.
I have always been smoking only on occasion.
Suddenly – from one day to the other – I smoke 20 cigarettes a day.
I almost cannot eat any food.
I become nonsocial.
I am constantly very focused on things I have to do – like work, walk my dog and so on.
I cannot stand talking to other people any longer.
I experience even more negative side effects.
My relationship is definitely not getting better.
Al the time is worse.
I am still very sad, but also stoned in a weird way I haven’t experienced before.
It feels like if I existed in a bubble.
Everyone I know tells me I do not have ADHD. They tell me to stop doing the medication.
But i know better.
I am my diagnosis.
I start consulting a new psychologist.
She is specialised in ADHD.
Because of en event that was out of my hands I am 10 minutes late for the first consultation.
She says that is typical for me when I am diagnosed with ADHD.
She also describes me in a lot of other ways.
I do not recognise me in her descriptions but I pretend her descriptions are correct anyway.
It is so nice to be at her consultation instead of home where everything is going bad.
She advises me in solving all kinds of problems I don not even have.
She says that maybe I will have to give up my job – It is too hard for me to manager a job.
She tells me to tell my boyfriend that he need to change himself.
When I tell my boyfriend he needs to change himself he get sad.
I will not be possible for him to change just like that.
I understand what he means.
I get more sloppily with the consultations at the psychologist.
She says my sloppiness clearly shows that I am not capable of having any responsibility when I am diagnosed with ADHD.
I stop consulting her.
I now start searching the internet for someone who will be able to help me.
I search and search.
At last I find a woman. On her website she claims that a person can change within the person itself and become happy not depending on other circumstances.
The surroundings does not need to change anything.
|I am thinking that have finally found a person I agree with.|
This is going to be the start on a new chapter in my life.
On my first time going to Fyn I am very nervous and I feel very upset and sad.
I get lost on my way to see her and I am very unhappy.
She is very calm and she guides me over the phone.
She says very many nice things and she is very emphatic.
For the first time in many years I try to feel good.
She teaches me visualization and she begins to teach me to listen to my inner voice.
Every time I consult her I am there for 4 hours.
Since my first time in her consultation I already start to feel a lot better.
I learn a lot from her and I bring home tools.
I learn to only focus on my and let other focus on them. (Jeg lærer at blive i mig selv)
I learn to separate people from their actions.
I learn to say no in a loving way.
I learn to accept the ups and downs in life.
I learn to visualize and meditate.
I learn to consult my own personal guide that will know everything about me.
I learn to use the light to feel good and get better.
I learn that I do not have to be my diagnosis.
After one week I stop taking the medicine – just like that.
When I stop taking the medicine I automatically stop smoking so many cigarettes.
I learn to feel good all the time – even when negative things happen.
I learn to take full responsibility for my own health and to stay well.
I learn to start loving me for who I really am.
I feel so much better.
My boyfriend is moving out again on his own initiative.
He is a wonderful person but him and I are not meant to be.
Things are working out at my job.
I get confidence.
I stop inventing stressful tasks.
Suddenly I am moving forward in my life.
I consult this woman 1 time a month in 6/7 months.
After each consultation I get better.
I am not afraid of anything anymore.
I am a 100 % responsible for everything in my life.
I have dreamt about that for a long time, but I did not know how to do it.
I am so happy.
Every day I get even more happy.
My intuition is constantly improving.
I am back to being social.
I experience that people af actually listening to what I have to say – they even think I am credible.
I still experience ups and downs in my life, but I just accept it.
I do not focus on the bad experiences – I know it will pass.
The good experiences gets better og I get even happier.
When I meet people who exceeds my personal limits I am very grateful.
I know they will be good to practice on.
I also know that I will learn from them.
Before learning all this It would have been necessary for me to keep a distance from certain kinds of people – this is not necessary for me anymore.
In one consultation I learn to communicate with my dog using animal telepathy.
I also learn to have a conversation with a tree.
This is really interesting – I want to learn more.
I join classes in doing animal telepathy.
I do a weekend class and it turns out to be an education in clairvoyance and animal telepathy.
I am attending the 1. of several modules.
The teacher asks us to practice clairvoyance on each other.
I actually receives clairvoyant messages for my student-colleague-client.
I love this.
I decide to continue doing this education.
As I move on I accept and acknowledge my clairvoyant skills.
It turns out that I am good at this.
I realize that I have had these skills and also used them all the time.
I just did not know.
Today the diagnosis means nothing to me anymore.
I know it has nothing to do with me.
I love me.
When I identify a side of me that I do not love yet I immediately start working on loving it.
All the negative incidents that has happened in my life does not mean anything to me anymore.
I do not longer let my present rely on the past.
I am very grateful for my past.
I have learned a lot of skills because of events and people in my past.
I am on my path.
Clients are consulting me for clairvoyant guidance.
While doing clairvoyance I learn how to teach my clients to forgive.
I teach them to forgive others, events and them selves.
I also work on forgiveness my self.
Accepts is very good because it moves us forward on our path.
Forgiveness is the key to get home within you.
Forgiveness leads us to our life purpose.
I am very far on my path now.
I look forward to my future.
I look forward to learn more skills.
I look forward to pass my learning on to others.
I look forward to help other people move on in their own path.
I love my life.
Lotte Eulalia Botteleth.
I am a Clairvoyant.
I have a very strong Intuition.
I communicate with angels and guides.